roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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