hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
