You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
