So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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