he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
