the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
