Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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