when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I supernannyed him into submission
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
