haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
