Just fell off a train. Bad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
