My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
