Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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