somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
