Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
