Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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