no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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