I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
