i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.