I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.