Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size