This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.