I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.