I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom