Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.