I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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