Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
