Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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