it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
