Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo