I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
