we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize