I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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