He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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