so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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