So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
