Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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