last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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