I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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