She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
