The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize