we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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