i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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