I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
