i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
