Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
