evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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