i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Your cock deserves a montage
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
