Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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