My nipple is on Facebook.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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