I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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