I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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