I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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