We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
