To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
