Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
