Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
