The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
