i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
