I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
