She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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