I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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