based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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