Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
