Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
