He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize