he shaved USA in his pubs
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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