Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
