At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
