We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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