Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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