I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
