My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.