Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
